There is no Place Like Home

I complain, I do it a lot. I complain when my sister takes my clothes, when everyone is up way too early and I cant sleep and when my parents treat me like im still a teenager haha But even though there are daily things that bug me one thing will never change, I LOVE BEING HOME. There is no other place like it. There is no where else I feel more right or at peace (Jordon is included in my thoughts of home haha)
I feel most like me, the comfort that comes from knowing every road you need to take and randomly running into friendly people you know is amazing. I love my babies at my daycare and getting to see the people I love most in the world everyday.


This Christmas was amazing. I was lucky enough to have 3 Christmases this year <3 Jordon took me down to meet his real dad, his step mom and his 3 sisters and brother. They were amazing! His step mom was super sweet and fun to talk to and I fell in love with his little siblings! I even had a couple of them say they liked me more than Jordon ;) haha They decided to celebrate Christmas a day early so Saturday they woke us up at 6 am to open presents haha Its been a while since I have spent Christmas with little kids so it was so fun and cute to see how excited they were to get presents from Santa :) They even shocked me and got both me and Jordon stockings for our first Christmas together <3 I got spray, lip gloss and a $25 gift card. I was blown away. I fell in love with that family and how comfortable I felt with them. I am so happy that Jordon took me to meet them haha There was a lot of pressure because I was the first girl he has ever introduced to them :) But they told me I passed the test with flying colors and I dont need to bring Jordon next time I visit haha
Then Jordon and I spent Christmas eve with my family. We had an amazing dinner and all opened our pajamas! I went to sleep that night next to all my siblings in our giant sleep over together in the basement content with life. For the first time I fell right to sleep not with thoughts of what I might get the next morning but with the warm comfort of knowing that I already have everything I could possibly need. I had an amazing family, one that is growing past the people I was born to and with. This year has been one of growth and mostly love. So many amazing people have come into my life and I feel so blessed for all of them. Mostly though I fell asleep knowing that that when Jordon Wayne Helmer holds me my world is perfect. He is my future and the best gift I got this year, the most amazing thing I could ever have. <3

For the first year ever my parents had to wake us up haha There was a key in my stocking... haha and when I finally went out side there sat the most amazing car ever :D Not really haha but to me it was! lol My parents were so amazing this Christmas and even got Jordon 2 North Faces. They are amazing people who give everything they have for there children. They live to make our dreams come true and to provide us with all of the opportunities we could ever want. I am forever in debt to the amazing people they are and for everything they've given me.
On top of those 2 amazing Christmases I was able to spend Christmas day with Jordons mom and family. She made the most amazing and yummy dinner ever :) Jordons present was addressed to Breanna & Jordon muahahaha and his mom gave us money for a date!! I love his mom soooo much. She is such an amazing and strong lady. I look up to her and even though we are a lot a like already I want to be like her. I love Jordons family and the home that they share with me. It feels like home to me now too and I am so lucky to have a family like them.
This Christmas took the cake. I can't tell you everything I was given but I can tell you all of the kind acts that I was shown and all of the wonderful people I had the opportunity to spend the holidays with. I enjoyed picking out presents for each family and sibling and watching their face as they opened it. Christmas for me is celebrating the life of our Savior. Our older brother who was born to save us all. The love he has for us is unimaginable and because of that the reason for the season is love. The love I felt this Christmas was my favorite thing about Christmas.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gk40DTv6NfA

Upside Down and Inside Out

I am a planner.... I pretty much always have been. I plan out most of the details for everything, not usually on paper but you can pretty much guarantee that there is always some sort of plan in my head haha That is why I usually have a hard time with change, I have a hard time when my plans don't work out. When I was a kid it would usually cause me to freak out, but as I've grown up I can handle these sudden changes with much more ease, or at least I like to think so lol.
I had a plan for my life, or at least for my college years. Go to BYUI, graduate, find someone, get married. haha It was more detailed in my head but that was the basics of it lol So i'm scared.... that plan is changing... not the end results of that plan but the way to get there is taking a major side road lol
I am going home for Winter semester. Yes, I said it. Going home. Its weird, and I almost feel like a failure to be leaving the college campus. I will still be in the same place school wise because I will be taking all of the same classes just online at home. I've had a hard time accepting that even though I need to go home I'm not a failure, it was never in the plan and never even a thought.. but I know its the right thing to do and just because its not what I pictured when I was 10 doesn't mean that it is any less right.
Because I was already having a hard time accepting it I got pretty hurt by my families shocked reaction. I knew I would always be welcomed but London doesnt want me anywhere near "his" basement and it is still up in the air as to where i'll be sleeping haha
The biggest reason behind this big change is money, yes Jordon has a lot to do with it but money is the main thing. I paid for everything to do with my schooling last year, tuition, rent, food, book, everything. This summer I only made enough to cover tuition for one semester so this Fall semester my mom covered my rent and gave me money for food. My college is in a tiny town so jobs are rare and I dont have a car to drive to one anyway. I hate asking for money.... I cringed every time I had to ask for money for food and would usually end up crying when my mom questioned. I know that my family is in a hard spot financially and I HATE contributing to that.
After I talked to my dad about my plan he thanked me... :) He thanked me for thinking of the family and agreed with my decision. I felt soooooo much better after that haha
I am going home and working at a job my mom found me at Office Depot from 7-2 and then I am working in the infant room at my daycare from 3-6. I am saving all I can to pay for my entire next year!
Yet there is one more huge problem in this plan... My step brother totaled my car.... haha ohh the problems that keep piling up. I have no car to drive now.... Against my better judgement I went to my biological father to see if there was anyway he could help out. He just came into a lot of money with a lawsuit and he talked all summer about "buying me a car and getting what I needed and helping me out" You would think that a man that just bought 2 new tricked out rides for himself would jump at the chance to help his daughter out with the first thing she has ever asked him for. But no. Nothing ever changes with him. He threw my adoption in my face and said he had a lot going on too.... He isnt worth my time, or the negatively. Im just so done with him. I could never speak to him again and that would make me nothing but happy. I dont need to get into the details, all that matters is that I have an AMAZING dad, his name is Robert Rushton and he is a better man and father than that sperm donor will ever be. I am so lucky and I have a dad that would do anything for me, and I cant even express how grateful I am for him. <3
On top of all of those big decision i've been trying to find a ride home, trying to sell my contract, packing, cleaning, and trying to finish my homework and finals. It has been extremely stressful and crazy haha Oh boy
But it will all work out. I have faith in life and my Heavenly Father. I know that once I am home surrounded by my families and Jordon all of this stress will be worth it. I am doing all I can and there will be a way for this to all work out! Now it is time to get back to homework haha ....