Every Laughing Moment Confirms that Life is Beautiful

Life has a way of surprising you. It can be really hard and down right unfair yet put a smile on your face at the same time. There are so many bad things out there.... death and hurting and abuse. So many things that bring pain and suffering, heart-aching sadness. Crippling fear, uncertainty and unfairness. So much to drag you down and hold you under the water no matter how hard you try to escape. So much is out of our control and up in the air...

It seems that everyday we as humans wake up with the wrong out look. "I didn't get enough sleep", "I burnt the toast," "It was raining," "Its just an off day" and so on. When we talk about our days we share all of these little mishaps and bummer occurrences to explain how our day was... and more often then not it is only the bad that we share. Why is "no news good news?" Why can't we focus on the fact that we have an alarm clock instead of being angry that it went off before you were ready to get up. How amazing would it be if you asked someone how their day was and they responded by saying "Well I was so thankful to roll out of my comfortable bed and go to my job that supports my life, I am happy that I woke up this morning and I can have today." Life doesn't owe us anything. We are not here to skip through life and experience only amazing things. Not everything is fair, not everything is fun. In this world full of so much anger and troubles, so much hurt and danger we need to see through the cracks at the moments of greatness. 

“It is a fair, even-handed, noble adjustment of things, that while there is infection in disease and sorrow, there is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.”― Charles Dickens

There is good in this world. There is magic. I can't count the number of times I have been told that I need to get over my expectations and accept reality... and while there may be some truth to that I refuse alter myself, why would I want to change my views to fit that of such a sad world anyways? No. I will not. I will not change my expectations of all that can be and is good in life. I will continue to cry at sad and beautiful moments in movies. There is nothing better than when it is late at night and all the world is asleep except you and the person on the other end of the line somewhere in the world. There is nothing better than sitting in a room laughing with great people. Nothing like laughing at nothing, sharing moments with your loved ones or receiving a touching gesture. Taking a moment to look around you and witness the beauty of a world that was created for you. Music that lifts your spirits and touches your soul. Quotes that put your feelings to words. Hugs of comfort, looks of understanding and and trusting relationships. Cuddling cures depression. There is nothing like causing a little trouble, doing something you never thought you would, and being with the people you love. I live for those moments when I am laying in bed with a smile on my face because I have so much hope in a beautiful future. I live for the moments when I am laughing and I take a moment to look around and in that split second I understand what life is all about. Those moments of love and when you are so full of happiness that you can't help but smile and break out in a little silly dance. Those are the moments I choose to focus on, instead of the bad ones. 

"You know, I do believe in magic. I was born and raised in a magic time, in a magic town, among magicians. Oh, most everybody else didn’t realize we lived in that web of magic, connected by silver filaments of chance and circumstance. But I knew it all along. When I was twelve years old, the world was my magic lantern, and by its green spirit glow I saw the past, the present and into the future. You probably did too; you just don’t recall it. See, this is my opinion: we all start out knowing magic. We are born with whirlwinds, forest fires, and comets inside us. We are born able to sing to birds and read the clouds and see our destiny in grains of sand. But then we get the magic educated right out of our souls. We get it churched out, spanked out, washed out, and combed out. We get put on the straight and narrow and told to be responsible. Told to act our age. Told to grow up, for God’s sake. And you know why we were told that? Because the people doing the telling were afraid of our wildness and youth, and because the magic we knew made them ashamed and sad of what they’d allowed to wither in themselves.

After you go so far away from it, though, you can’t really get it back. You can have seconds of it. Just seconds of knowing and remembering. When people get weepy at movies, it’s because in that dark theater the golden pool of magic is touched, just briefly. Then they come out into the hard sun of logic and reason again and it dries up, and they’re left feeling a little heartsad and not knowing why. When a song stirs a memory, when motes of dust turning in a shaft of light takes your attention from the world, when you listen to a train passing on a track at night in the distance and wonder where it might be going, you step beyond who you are and where you are. For the briefest of instants, you have stepped into the magic realm.

That’s what I believe." 

I know that most people could probably look at  me and think that I am some foolish little girl that really hasn't had anything that hard to go through, and they are probably right. My life is not awful and I haven't had to go through any truly horrible and terrible things of this world. I am not trying to say that it isn't hard just that we shouldn't give life or anyone the power to take the smile's off of our faces. I have had my heart shattered... time and time again but I will never be bitter or stop believing in the heart racing magic that is love. I will still look for it, I will still believe in it and I will still hope for it. I will experience heartache  sadness, confusion, hurt, uncertainty fear and loneliness but I will never lose my hope, love and belief in magic and happiness. Bad things happen but every time we overcome them and a smile spreads over our face after we get through it we win. We win every time we don't let life or circumstance get the best of us. We win when we still see the beauty in such a messed up world.

We win. 

It Doesn't Get Better Than This

You couldn't pay me to go back to middle school... I was awkward and weird looking, insecure and I wore the same jacket like every day.... and don't even get me started on the hair, braces and glasses... Needless to say I am happy those days are over haha but there is one thing that happened in middle school that would forever change and bless my life, I met my life long best friend.

It was 8th grade and I was having the worst time of my life with some not very nice girls and I went home crying almost every day. I started sitting at a new table for lunch with Simone, Rachel and Brandi Clarke. We became fast friends. They took me in, built me up and gave me confidence and great times. The years came and 4 became 3 and by sophomore year we were down to just 2, Brandi Clarke and I.

Other than my family I would have to say that Brandi Clarke has had the most impact on my life. She has been by my side through EVERYTHING. When a huge secret and devastating family crisis came up in high school it was her that I called at 2 in the morning and even though I'm sure she couldn't make out a word I was saying through all the tears she talked to me, and calmed me down. Everyone needs a 2 am friend. She was there every time my biological father was awful to me, she was there when people were rude to me but more importantly she was there for all the good times.

Brandi was there when I got my first kiss; fell in love for the first time and when I had my first, second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth heartbreak and so on. She was there for every dumb decision and mistake. Every time I went back to the wrong guy or let my heart lead when my mind should have. She never once judged me or thought I was crazy or irrational, she always understood and talked me through all my feelings, getting me back on the positive, right path. She was ALWAYS right haha and I never listened to her, I still don’t (You'd think I’d learn my lesson....) yet she was always there to comfort me and get upset and protective. She believes in me and gives me confidence.

We are very different, we believe different things and do different things but she has never been anything but supportive and protective of my morals and values. We have only fought once.... over John Diggs (kill me) haha but even that only lasted a day..... Sure she annoys me sometimes and I make fun of how long it takes her to get ready but there is not a better person in the world.

She is beautiful. Inside and out. She has a heart of gold; she is nice to everyone.... even when they don't deserve it. She is funny, she is outspoken, she is the best kind of weird there is. She is not afraid to be herself. She is so strong, hardworking and silly. I hope to be more like her someday. She is trusting and full of love and compassion. Understanding with just the perfect amount of tough love. She deserves everything good in life, the very best. I don't think I could ever fully explain how much I love her and how much I think she deserves. She should be treasured and adored. I don't think she understands how special she is and that people like her come around once in a life time..... If I could I would throw a parade in her honor every day. I would hire people to complement her on all she does idk haha but if I could find some way to show her how wonderful she is I would. She is the very best things about life.

As we went off to college we were scared where our friendship would end up... but that was a silly fear to have with a friendship like ours. No matter how much time we spend apart or don't talk nothing changes. We only grow closer and she only means more to me. Every shattered heart, body image issue, family drama, school or life worry she has been there.... right by my side no matter what. She can't take the pain away but with a friend like her and with the support she gives she makes the pain lessen. She puts a smile on my face, gratitude in my heart and positives in my head. She is beautiful.

Even if it's just a sad post on Facebook I get a call or text asking how I am, she would drop anything and everything to be there for me, and I would do the same for her.... nothing beats the feeling of having someone you can depend on no matter what.

She is the best friend a girl could ask for. Yeah I have made more amazing best friends but there will never be another Brandi Clarke. She is the one that has gotten me through my darkest days and she is the one with whom I have shared my happiest moments. But more than always being there for me she has taught me what I deserve.

Boys should be warned now, she has set an impossibly high standard, and while I know that no boy will ever be Brandi Clarke she has taught me to never settle. That I am amazing and just like her I deserve the best out of life. I am spoiled by her love and attention, her understanding and support. I will never be able to express or thank her for all she is to me but I am so lucky to have her, and so lucky to have more and more mistakes to face and happy times to enjoy with her by my side. There are so many adventures to come.

Someday her and I will find ourselves in our spot overlooking all of Olympia. Our kids and husbands at home and we will look back, remember and laugh at all of the crazy, stupid, magical, awful, silly, hurtful, lovely and tough things that got us to that point. We will laugh at all of the b.s. and dumb people and all of the hard things that got us down because no matter what happens the world is a beautiful place when you have a best friend like Brandi Clarke <3