I'm Moving On

You gain power when you can look at someone and accept all that they were to you, all that they weren't to you, all that they are, all that they will never be and all that you don't want anymore. It is amazing to just accept it. To look at them and feel everything and nothing all at once. To feel whole in everything you are in that moment and to know who you are and where you are going. To accept life for how it is and love and look forward to whatever is going to come next. It is powerful to understand all the reasons you felt the way you did and all the reasons why that part of your life is over and why it needs to be. To reach contentment and peace when you turn the page, take the lessons with you, grow and know that the best is yet to come. When you are at peace with yourself and you take comfort in the fact that you did all you could, you gave all of yourself, 110%. When you have no regrets and you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

In my short 21 years here on earth I like to think that I have learned a few things, and the most important one being that there is a greater plan, life is never too hard and everything that falls apart eventually falls into place. There was a time when I said my little cheesy phrases of "I can't live without him", "What would I do without him?" .... and now look at me.... living. haha

I am strange because I love feeling sore. I love working out and feeling the sore affects the next day, and I love bruises. Yes I am weird but in that same regard I love going through hard things. While the pain seems unbearable at the time it brings something to my life that is greatly needed. In my moments of heartache my eyes are opened to all the amazing people I have in my life. I get a peak into just how truly blessed and loved I am. I see the world through thankful eyes. When you are just trying to get by day by day the little things you once overlooked suddenly become your lifeline. And for me and my stubborn self I now that hard things have to happen so I will listen and pay attention.

Last night Brandi told me that I seemed more like Breanna then I had in a long time, and she is right, I feel more like myself then I have in a long time and it is a beautiful feeling. I can't wait around for someone to figure it out. I have accepted all that has happened. I have taken it for the lessons it brought, I am thankful for all of it, it is a part of me now and part of loving yourself is loving the cracks you come with.

 My life is falling together. All it takes is one look around me to know that I live a beautiful life and everything is working out. I am in my beautiful hometown, I have the best family and friends anyone could ask for, I have a job and an interview for a job (12$ an hour!!!!!), I am looking for a place to live with my best friend, and I am happy. I love who I am and where I am going.

My heart got cut into pieces, left scattered everywhere. While at times I thought that it was a helpless cause to fix, one day at a time with the help from my friends, roommates, parents, siblings, and my Savior I picked up the pieces, dusted them off and put them back together. My heart isn't the same as it once was and there are still some pieces missing but it is far from broken or ruined, it might even be better off, more wise, and still full of love.

I am Breanna Frickin Rushton and as Rylee once said: "Rushton's may bruise, but we don't break."