Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.

So the most remarkable thing happened to me yesterday. I was sitting all alone in my room and just broke out singing at the top of my lungs, I danced around my room and jumped on my bed. I have had many laughing moments and tons of fun crazy times, yet there was always  that part of me deep down that was sad. I put my life into two categories; before he cheated on me, and after he cheated on me. I would look at pictures of me before I met him and think: That little girl doesn't even know, and I can see pictures from afterwards and I know that my smile is less bright even if others can't see it. At the time I just accepted that my life after him would be less exciting, less comfortable,and less... full if that makes sense. I would fill my days with so much fun and laughing, yet I dreaded crawling into bed at the end of those fun times and facing that empty agony. Slowly I have been fighting that feeling, knowing that life has so much more to offer me than some stupid boy. Yesterday was remarkable because that pull to him was weaker. I can live without him being a part of my life, I don't need to know how every aspect of his life is going, I can think about the fun times I had with him and not feel sad, and that little sad piece inside of me was now smiling. At the time I thought that the pain he caused was a new scar I would have to wear around forever, while I will never fully understand what happened, that scar is a thin faint line now, almost blending in with the rest of my skin. It will never completely go away but the fact it can fade at all was enough to tickle me pink. This may sound crazy but here me out: I am actually happy and thankful he cheated on me. What?!?!?! Yeah I know I sound insane haha But truthfully without that event in my life I would not be where I am now, and I wouldn't be the same person. Had it not happened I don't think I would have been strong enough to walk away from him, and he just isn't the man that is meant to be everything I need. Because all of that crap happened I was forced to leave something comfortable behind and even though it was scary I found the strength in myself to face the unfamiliar.

 There is a quote that I have come to love: “I believe it's all within reach, maybe a far reach, but it's all there waiting for us to work for it. The sunshine is on our side, love is on our side, luck is on our side, and life really is worth it. I'm not saying everything comes easily, or that everything works out how we'd like it to. I'm saying there are twists and turns that are meant to happen, there are things we aren't supposed to know, people we aren't supposed to have in our lives, and things we have to lose to become who we are meant to be. No matter how painful or pointless something may seem faith should be a constant companion, because with it, suddenly the "unknown" isn't a thing to be feared, it's a thing to be embraced, and the challenge or pain that makes you want to break down today is the key to tomorrow. Life is so beautiful when you have hope and faith.”

I am now so excited to see what life brings my way. I had a really low point, but this new high I have reached made it all worth it. My plan of attack is always "Fake it till you make it" haha meaning even if happy is the last thing you feel, act like you are and soon it wont be an act anymore. I choose to smile despite the hurt my heart feels. Every morning when I open my eyes I think of 2 things. The second being all of the crazy work ahead of me haha but the first thing I tell myself is something I adopted from Richard Carlson. He said: "Happiness is the result of my decision to be happy. There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way. In other words, happiness is a feeling I tap into, not an outcome of events. I can be happy without changing anything in my life except my relationship to my own thinking. I decide to be happy and commit myself to making happiness my state of mind, rather than relying on a set of circumstances to do it for me."

Everyone asks me why I am so happy all the time and why I laugh at everything, and that is the reason. Life can suck. It throws enough sorrow and confusion at me on its own, so why should I create more? I choose to face every problem or heartache with a smile on my face because that is what I can control. I cant control the actions of others, I cant make something that is hard easy. BUT I can change how I think about it. If I think something is going to be absolutely no fun and a waste of time, then yeah it probably will be. Along with that, if I look for the good in every situation then I will find it. So I danced around my whole apartment yesterday, I laughed with my whole heart, and I feel even better now than I did when I was with him. Life is a constant battle to find the joy in a world that can be harsh. I have reached that peace and inner happiness again. Breanna Ashley Rushton is back, and better than before :) 

haha Life is a party, and yes this is the door to my room <3 lol